Things That Only I Know

At long last I have agreed to write a series of rather important documentation for the entire world to see. 

Since I have been God gifted with so much more knowledge than the average human, it was pointed out to me (by one of the individuals who makes up part of the hordes who love, admire, and respect the wealth – and more aptly put – the girth and breadth of my overall knowledge) to share some of my impressively renowned gleanings.

How this came to pass:

While addressing a rather prominent Beverly Hills bible study group, it became apparent to almost all in attendance, before I even began speaking, this was to become a most important unveiling of my extremely valuable life experiences.

As I took my place on stage I found myself thinking about George Carlin. George had his own personal way of disseminating important information – the facts of life – not known or understood by many.

“Ladies and gentlemen it is my pleasure to share with you a most important list of declaratives, which know doubt will change your adult lives as they have changed mine.”

Instantly the group moved to the edge of their seats. You could have heard a pin drop.

“The original title was War and Piss.

“Leo Tolstoy refused to change the name and so it was years before the book was released in the United States as War and Peace. And then, people bought it not because of the name change, but rather because the large number of pages made the book suitable as a step stool to get up onto the oversized beds in service by the well-known madam Polly Adler – a Polish immigrant who ran a prosperous brothel in Manhattan and later became the well-known author of her autobiography A House Is Not A Home.

“Many of Polly’s patrons returned for her services regularly, not only because she had beautiful girls working for her, but because it afforded opportunity to read Leo Tolstoy’s writings without the burdensome worry of being labeled Communists.”

NOTE: In that era, the height of men was much shorter than it is today. Many of the then Tammany Hall politicians found the “Tolstoy Book Step” of great value when mounting Adler beds.