An Observation Foisted Upon Me

“To impose (something or someone unwanted) upon another by coercion or trickery”




    Trust me, the guys a Bigly.




 (Bigly, is a word I use in order to describe genuine substance of character, integrity, wholesomeness, and courage beyond normalcy?  The word Bigly has nothing to do with physicality as far as I’m concerned; however there are many who fall into the Bigly category who also happen to have a large frame.   Rarely, if ever have I been able to justify categorizing a politician or an atheist as a Bigly).

Please make, and take note, Bigly is my word. You can’t challenge it, because I am its creator. If you have a problem with that, well then, the rest of what I am about to say will prove more than merely an extreme annoyance to even some of my most erstwhile readers; it may even cause a condition of pissed off (ness).

The place: Kalmenson & Kalmenson
(Inside a recording booth.)

The time: A workday in April

In conversation: da harv
Aka (Harvey Kalmenson), and one of the few I have assigned the earned moniker of Bigly.

It had been one of those non-stop busy mornings, beginning at 6:AM and carrying on without a break until 11:30AM. No less than twenty-five actors had come before me in an effort to be the one selected by one of the major automakers to be there national spokes person. For the winner it would be a dream come true.  For the others, its all part of a days work.  Auditioning for work is the commercial actors job. Winning the job is almost as giddy an experience as perhaps being a lottery winner.  No mistake…this is big stuff!  In any event this was a morning of very well known personalities showing up, one after another, as any journeyman actor is want to do, in an honest effort to secure work.

By and large I have found voice over actors, men and women, equally endowed with a sincere graciousness towards one another, as well as the folks like me, who carry the awesome responsibility of attempting to help put bread on their tables.  One and all, across the board, they know my feelings for them are equally as sincere. We’re sensitive people doing a sensitive job under implausible circumstances, even in the best of times.  This day’s call was what I refer to as being plaid; without ethnic, or narrow age range as a deliberation to consider as our voice casting specs. In addition, it was a call for an equal array of journeyman actors as well as those commonly categorized as celebrities.

Note: “Bigly” is a celebrity of long standing.

On this day” Bigly” was the last actor set to read during the morning auditions; usually the man was on a tight schedule, and though his car and driver were already parked directly in front of our building, with its motor running, it didn’t seem to dissuade the man from lingering. It turned out, he had something to say, and I was his choice as the designated listener. This was also an unusual occurrence for him, on days when he had to be in and out in a hurry. The fact is, “Bigly”, knew I would listen to all he had to say, but in return if I was in disagreement with his latest of life’s observations, then our roles would be reversed and he would dutifully become the listener.
Note:

•  We never raised our voices above a normal conversational level, regardless of the degree of opposing positions being taken.  
•  Although our politics were at different ends of the spectrum, our attitude towards each other was always respectful.  
• Both of us were never afraid to display a great disenchantment, by and large for career politicians.

As I dashed down the hallway in an effort to remove the scripts from our bulletin board, and set up for the next job, scheduled to take place following the lunch break, my path was blocked by “Bigly”. Honestly, I had little time to spare, and was hoping he had already departed the building; to no avail; he began with a wry smile, and the special sparkle of almost constant emotion registered in his eyes.

Do you know why stupid people are stupid?  Because stupid people don’t know they are stupid.  Do you know where to find stupid people?  Everywhere you find people.  Newspaper journalists, television talking heads, people who raise dogs and chickens to fight, people who hurt kids, and of course…career politicians.

That was his side of the beginning of the end of my lunch break. What it all boiled down to was “Bigly's” disappointment with the vast majority of people in general.

Why don’t people read anymore? I mean, really read things of consequence. It doesn’t have to be William Shakespeare, you know.

This subject matter wasn’t a first for either of us. “Yes”, I agreed. “As a matter of fact, I often spend a great many of my waking hours wondering whether the great Bard ever referred to any of his players as a “Dude”.

 That’s what got me started on my latest tirade in the first place. That last actor in before me, da harv, said thank you Dude, as he left the booth. I mean how do you stand it?

That was the end of our conversation. Nothing more need be said. We were on the same page. Just a slight shake of the head, and Bigly took leave.

When I was in grammar school, the universal credo was reading, writing, and arithmetic. Our parents established the social graces. The after school entertainment following the completion of homework was usually the school yard, until dark, followed by our favorite kid radio shows. You may have guessed, “Bigly”, and I shared the same foundations, though he ventured from across the pond.
One more thing and I’ll let you go. Both Bigly and I are capable of using the foulest of language. But it comes out mostly in private, never when children or women are around. That to takes us back to those early days of reading, writing, and arithmetic. Believe it or not, there was a time when a poor choice of words might have you removed from the classroom and on your way to the principal's office.

And finally…when was the last time you heard a person referred to as being well read?

Days of Joy and Others

Can you imagine your days filled with friends coming to visit? It’s my life, within each and every day without exception, a constant parade, reverberant with an effervescence stimulated by the soldiers participating in the very same parade. If I were to hang a sign it would read,” All Actors Allowed”. I am not a politically correct man. After all I am a casting director. I must be able to differentiate between color, and sound, and most importantly, skills and those person’s skills as an actor. If an actor isn’t suited for a role, he or she must realize one single fact, and one fact only; it is what it is.

In my own professional area of casting, sight doesn’t play a part. I cast voices, so what I am duty bound to care about is quite singular. Sound. People come to us at Kalmenson & Kalmenson in order to find the right voice, or voices for their products. We follow their specifications as closely as possible. Rarely, if ever does a situation present itself, requiring our recusal.

The make up of those parading before me daily follows the strict dictates of the folks who are paying the bills. If you’re interested, here is a sample of a typical casting call as we follow the directions of the advertising agencies will:

• The product is a soft drink.
• Demographics are pointed towards young guys of high school age.
• The storyboard shows a "pick up" basketball game in a schoolyard, resembling an inner city, which could be in any number of urban cities in our country.
• We are told to match the storyboard in order to cast the voices depicted by the on camera players.
  

So here’s what transpires. Our casting directors contact the producers of the spot, or series of spots, in order to get final directions regarding the make up of the call we will be putting out to the agents around town. We are told in no uncertain terms, the guys we bring in must be African American, and should sound like they’re in the inner city. Those are our instructions, and those are the instructions we follow. Political correctness never enters our minds. The friends who will be in tomorrow’s parade to the Kalmenson studios will all be black. On record, and without equivocation, they enter the building joyfully, and leave in the same manner. I know very well I’m not a politically correct man; I’ve never had to be.

What I care about is that my parade runs on time, and that we are able to bring in the best and most professional talent the sponsors money can buy.

Man or Woman; Boy or Girl

Reaching high for tasks at your new level, and what will you see and feel when you arrive there? We don’t know do we, because we’ve never been there before, have we? An other’s experience is just another experience. Try as you may, an altitude of your own is what life calls for. Every moment can be so excitingly lived, when every moment of the new is savored. Yours, as always it is meant to be. Condition, attitude, posture are the creative substance of the new. Yours not mine.

One child is seen at the beach running up and back, in and out of the surf; while another, maybe even a brother or sister of the frolicking sibling, stands there, allowing the tide to bring the water in and out between their toes, creating wells of sand outlining their feet. Neither had ever been at the beach before that day. Both will come away with a new experience permanently etched as part of who they became during this one very special day. The smell, the touch, and the feel of nature have become a new altitude for each of them. I particularly remember the difference in the way the two children described their day at the beach.

“I raced the water up and down and in and out, all day long”, was the frolicking child’s report.

The second child quietly came forth with the genuine emotion of pure truth. A tear dipped its way down the side of a cheek, which God had carved seemingly from porcelain delight. Then as quietly as a four year old could possibly offer sound, the purity of truth emerged.

“I was standing in my Daddy’s shoes, in the sand. They were too big for me, just like the boots he used to wear in the marines. He was there for me all day, just like he used to be before he had to go away.”

Was this a new and special height? Certainly the child accepted a posture, presented without reason. But if ever in that child’s life, a time comes when a feeling of truth must be put on display, those moments relived in her Daddy’s boots, at the beach and in the sand, will be there at an altitude not beyond reach or comprehension.

Focus on Focus: A Simple Approach on How to Become Anal

If you were to sleep that way, by the time morning rolled around total paralysis would have set in.

Of course I had the fun advantage of watching her, and listening as she feverishly prepared to read the two-line commercial script. Armed with her trusty marking pen (ink is a no, no at best) she sat there, scribbling notes, upon notes, upon notes for almost every word on that poor little piece of paper. Katherine Hepburn did less marking on her script for the African Queen. Hitchcock would have had her placed in a strait jacket. It was her first visit to Kalmenson & Kalmenson, and as is our rule, all first timers receive a little extra special attention. When the actors are on the young side, as she was, a more than average active anticipation grips them with some unexpected flop sweat. Translation, they’re worried about making a good impression.

Under normal circumstances at our Burbank studios, I rarely find myself involved with the actors as they study their scripts. I might bop in to the reception area to see who’s arrived, and to make sure all have signed in and are aware of the correct role they will be playing. But on this day I found myself enthralled by this gal’s total naiveté. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a given for actors to study their scripts. In this case, however, her studying was an actual entertainment. As a matter of fact, my interest in what she was up to was caused by two of the actors who had given up their own script preparations, in lieu of the verbal, and visual entertainment this lady’s hilarious ruminations was providing. Under lined; over lined, dashes, commas, ellipsis, parenthesis, quotes, brackets, and a multitude of notes in the margins on both sides of the paper. She was a whirling "sitting" Dervish.

Not before or since had I experienced such a concerted display of deceitful study habits. Everything she thought was the correct thing to do was in essence a true dis-abler. While the intent of her unbelievable focus was indeed righteous, the end result produced a read, which honored the writer’s exact punctuation, but eliminated any chance of producing the conversational realism the advertising creative had in mind. She had figured out exactly how to read the words according to the way the sentences had been punctuated. The more she studied, the more disoriented she became.

Self Inflicted Wounds

People who love to gag will always appreciate our helpful efforts.
If you’re looking for a great way to gag, try a good time gag burger.

Inspiring, to say the least.
Presented by the Heimlich Method.
Turn your gag into a real "laffer".

“What do they mean by that?”

A few minutes went by and it was her time to enter the recording booth to be auditioned. I called her by name and requested she follow me towards the booth. She didn’t move. I made the request again. This time she responded with her request for a few more minutes of study time. I mean this gal looked crazed. I began to feel my emotions turning from amusement to concern. Young people with bulging eyes have a way of disconcerting everyone around them. The other actors in the reception area rolled their eyes in disbelief. She had been working on her script for a full twenty minutes. Each time I came out to get her, she relinquished her time to the next actor in waiting. And as she studied she became visibly more and more physically disturbed. By the time our lady finally agreed to enter the recording area it was because there was not another actor in sight.

(In rapid-fire order)

SHE: Where do I stand? What will I do next? Nothing on the script you gave me tells me what to do next. I like to study what is expected of me. You know I am a professional actress.

ME: Good to know.

There was an array of things going through my mind that I could readily have instructed her to attempt to do at that moment; being a gentleman made any further expression of what she could do, outside the realm of my normalcy. I’d like to report, at that precise moment, I was under the impression she was sent there as a put on. In my mind I knew it was an impossibility for anyone to be as anal-retentive as she was displaying. But she had to be real, anxiety moisture had formed on her upper lip, this was going to be an adventure.

Instructions:

When I point to you, slate your name and start.

“I prefer to have you slate for me; in that way it better serves to precipitate my character development.”

Young lady, will you please do as I ask? Slate your name.

“I’d be far more responsive if you spoke to me in a more civil manner and tone; like referring to me by my given name.”

I did abide by her wishes, done only after I killed my microphone, and completed calling her a variety of heavy-duty expletives. We proceeded with this joyous encounter. She began reading through the script without waiting for my direction. Her performance was an over blown emotional mess. In addition, every other phrase had a mispronounced word or two, or an incorrect understanding of the punctuations and grammatical meaning of the script itself. Keep in mind she had a grand total of two lines to read; not exactly a heavy duty test of a persons mental acuity.

“I’d like to go out and study the script some more”, she requested.

When I told her it would be impossibility, and I had already given her more time than anyone else on this call she became indignant.

“How do you expect me to focus, when I’m not being shown professional courtesy?”

“Thank you for coming in, I said.”

Without a word she turned and left the booth. As I was reentering the booth with the next actor she barged her way back in, grabbed her hieroglyphically altered script ruminations and left while saying:

"I don’t share my notes with anyone.”

“Not to worry”, I responded. “There will never be a chance of that happening to you around here in the foreseeable future. Congratulations on your ability to focus.”

Her face had the questioning look of, was that a cut? Was he being serious or merely once again showing disrespect for my talents? I did think about her for a few fleeting moments after her revealing audition. Can you imagine the degree of familial ingredients it took in order to so corrupt this seventeen year old females well being? In one single afternoon she succeeded in doing irreparable damage to her career. Her colleagues in the waiting room judged her as being freaky. Freakyness is taken seriously when the concern is what the outcome might be. In other words, hire a freaky person, and assume the outcome will be freaky. If you’re casting an ensemble, your prayers go out, asking for guidance in order not to hire a freaky actor. Some would say, that in itself is impossibility. Think about her overall desire for extreme focus. Almost all of us in the artistically creative world attempt to train ourselves to be single minded. By this I mean specifically “tuned in”, on each and every project, regardless of monetary importance. Almost any method for achieving focusing skills would be better than the seventeen year old gal described earlier on in this narrative. What she accomplished was outweighed by the determent of her method. The finest, and most accredited actors, the world over have a marvelous talent for indiscriminately accepting assistance from the colleagues around them.

The What’s Missing?

What our young lady missed while developing her abilities to focus was the development of her own place as a human being. Just examine the simplicity of truth casting, and the answer reveals itself without a great deal of explanation.

He is a nice guy, raised in a nice family, lives in a nice neighborhood, has nice relatives, and nice friends. He decides upon graduating from a nice high school, after suffering a fall from his motorcycle, in which he got a goodly hit in the head, that he was going to become a nice actor. He found some new and very nice friends at the nice acting school in a new neighborhood.

Every day they all studied together, and in the evenings worked out on a wide variety of scenes. After their workouts ended they all joined in at the local coffee house, and continued their in-depth theatrical conversations, often into the wee hours of the morning. Their focus was a constant, and dedicated study of their chosen craft. Money and fame for each of them was as distant as the stars they yearned to emulate. Time was not of the essence in governing their pursuits.

It was on one of these evenings he bounded into the classroom brimming with excitement, and needing to share the word. He had booked a voice over commercial, and the pending success was over powering. I doubt if anything in this life can match the robust charge going through a person when they experience their first, first. Everybody was all ears, waiting for his details about the gig.

“Well, it was all about this nice kid waiter in a restaurant who comes to the aid of a woman who is choking on a piece of meat that went down the wrong way. I don’t know why, but they cast me as the nice kid waiter’s voice, as he talks about what he did to help this gagging lady. They called it a Public Service Announcement for the Heimlich Method. I really didn’t even know what I was talking about, but the gagging lady reminded me of my Mother. It was really weird. The director told me to speak as if I was talking to my Mother. Lucky I was there. “

“What do you mean, lucky you were there,” someone asked.

He had been interning at Gold Star Recording Studios, located at Santa Monica and Vine Street, where the voice over was being recorded. When the producer received word their actor would be a no show, for whatever the reason, the owner of the studio; Stan Ross recommended his young intern to read the part. Stan had given his stamp of approval; he’s studying to be an actor, and he is a genuinely nice young man, Stan allowed.

Our young guy, whom everyone liked, jumped in and did his thing without reservation. He listened to what the director asked him to do and he attempted to do it. Certainly luck had played a part in his success. But, what if it had been the young lady I described earlier on? She wouldn’t have had a chance. To begin with she wouldn’t have lasted more than a few minutes working in the professional surroundings of the Gold Star Studio. If she had questioned the director of the Heimlich spot similarly to the way she had questioned me prior to the audition, she would have become privy to the most complete and unabridged dictionary of profanity known to man. And the last thing she would have heard would have been instructions from Stan’s partner, as a directive ordering her never to enter the premises again.

Note: The gig was responsible for getting our guy into the Screen Actors Guild. I’m sure he will recognize the story when he reads my journal. As for our young lady who didn’t care for the way I spoke to her; she’s never been heard of again.

Comparing Notes

I suppose it was an obvious thing to happen at a memorial service for the likes of Robert Easton. Sixty-four years or more of building credits is understandably mind-boggling. The scroll of names of the people he had coached through the years appeared in an endless parade on a full size movie screen, which had been set up in order to chronicle, and celebrate his lifetime. The afternoon was just what Robert Easton’s adopted daughter Heather (Perry) had planned it to be, a full and complete celebration of a mans life.

The affair was held at the Sportsmen’s Lodge, in the San Fernando Valley. About two hundred invited guests gathered together at the luncheon, which transpired for about four hours. There were many highlights, but the most endearing for me were the short tributes presented by Forest Whitaker, Juliet Mills, Maxwell Caldwell, and John Travolta; all of them having been coached many time by Robert Easton.

Admittedly, I do dread any thought of attending or participating in presentations having to do with death. This however turned out to be one of the more pleasant experiences. Cathy and I both had the highest degree of admiration for Robert Easton. I can’t imagine anyone who might be considered a finer gentleman. In an industry known for its relentless volume of disappointments, Robert Easton for a lifetime managed to bring cheer and great tidings to all those he touched.

Robert Easton added to the lives of all around him. Thankfully he included Harvey Kalmenson.

The Artist (Aren't we all?)

Viewing and reviewing is not my reason for going to the movies. (Yes, I still call them the movies).

I wonder if anyone much younger than me ever thinks of them as movies. The term movies originated just for the reason one might think; before there were movies, what you had to look at were a stack of still pictures (photographs) stacked together, and fitted into a mechanical device, which would be activated by placing a penny or two in a slot at the side of a viewing machine; the penny then somehow miraculously freed up the hand crank at its right side. What you did was view and simultaneously cranked the lever; the faster you cranked, the faster the photo cards flipped. Some kids enjoyed whistling as the pictures fluttered by. Adventurous kids would venture out to an amusement park where some of the machines, rumor has it were stocked with a variety of rather risqué visuals. These machines remained prominent for many years after the advent of talkies. As an aside, I can’t recall what this form of smut was labeled, not that I, da harv would ever have asked for it by name.

At first the stacks of cards contained a series of beautiful nature scenes, replete with animals that appeared to be moving across the small screens your face and eyes were pressed up against. The stereo optic gadgets of the late eighteen hundreds were the for runner for what many of the Eastern European immigrants referred to as “fency shmensy” (translation in the 1920's; "The Cat’s Meow”). During the same time period, the late eighteen hundreds, “The Movieola” was invented as well. And if you’re interested, its still in business today; from hand crank, to electric, to digital.

What the still photographs, the stereo optics, the silent movies, and the talkies all experienced from one degree to another, was the introduction of off color content. Today we refer to it as porn. Amazing how something’s never change. Supply and demand rules.

The artist in all of us, everyone, almost without exception is singing the praises of the very new and inventive movie “The Artist”. Late the other evening, Sunday, February 26, 2012 at the celebration of the eighty-fourth Oscar presentation, the movie “The Artist”, was awarded the Academy's choice for Best Picture 2011. I agree with all out there who share a similar expression of appreciation. Personally, I found the film a work of charm. But I would have been surprised and deeply disappointed if my evaluation was anything other than that. I wanted to like the movie even before seeing it. Perhaps my reasons won’t surprise you.

Many years ago, it was pointed out to me, along with an assemblage of other desperately naïve young "wannabes", that with in each of us, our own continual silent film runs as our personal reflection of yesterday, and as a new film of each moment we’re in. We looked at each other, and stared at each other, and began to whisper, first to ourselves, and then almost as a chorus; what in the world is this man attempting to convey? Even us high school kids aren’t that likely to be duped. After all, the guy is a high school teacher, not a star, or a household name. Of course there were a couple of students who broke out laughing, assuming our teacher was actually attempting to bring some humor into our adolescent environs. Then the unexpected; the room grew still. Our teacher stood to the side of his desk, in front of us. And then the silence became difficult for us to handle. Our teacher remained positioned, stoically remaining in exactly the same spot. All of our tenth grade eyes had become his to do with what his inner strength, without the use of words, commanded from us.

“Silent films are really not that silent”, he said.

And so our high school introduction to acting had begun.

“Each of you formed an opinion of what was going on in the moment. Regardless of whether or not confusion took hold, I never the less had conveyed a message. What do you think I was thinking, or had going through my mind as I stood there before you?”

A couple of students noticeably shrugged their shoulders; no sound, just shoulders being shrugged.

“There you go…you’re doing what I did. No sound; emotions conveyed without a word.”

And much later on in the year:

“ So the real question is, how silent are silent movies?... not very. If there’s a ringing in your ears, you can hear it. The guy next to you is at a complete loss. You move to answer the phone, and he thinks you’ve lost your mind. He might even laugh at you. He’s heard to say, 'That kid's taken too many hits to the head'. What in the world is going on here? Oh nothing much. This is called acting. Well actually it’s a parcel of my life’s work.”

Still for some of us; but there are no words. What are you talking about?

“This is a portion of my class that will introduce you to the art of showing emotion”.

Life inside an acting class where no words are spoken, or even allowed is a sight to behold. What are you thinking about is always the major question of the day. Our teacher was a man with a rubber face. His ability to show us his emotions without uttering a word was difficult for any in the class to believe, at first. It was a pretty large group of students, some thirty of us in what was known as “Beginners Acting”. We were in the tenth grade. Most of us were age fifteen. If I remember accurately, the class was two thirds female. I signed on as a lark, in order to get out of anything, which might require real thinking, I thought.

Note: From that point on I took every class that remotely had anything to do with the theater. The dye had been cast. From that fateful day forward, and as I sit here now, communications, and emotion, have been the driving force in my life. During the very first week we all recognized a simple fact. This class was the real thing. Our teacher had come from a family of thespians, as he put it. What he taught was in his blood. This wasn’t the same as when I was in the fourth grade as a ten year old. I’m sure many of you did what I did. We were precocious kids, to say the least. But this wasn’t the fourth grade, and this wasn’t an amateur night teacher. This was a live, living, breathing, classically trained actor, who was a dedicated man with a goal. I doubt if Ben Strife was his real name. Like many before him, he had come to Hollywood in search of an acting career. Like many before him, it wasn’t to be the way he had envisioned it. The silent movies that my Dad and his brothers were so enamored with, it turns out, were not as silent as they may have thought. At a time when gadgetry has taken a stronghold on our lives, and the cell phone has reached epidemic, and more addictive proportions than any device known to man, we find ourselves returning to the simplicity of wonderment shared by the honest telling of a story. Bravo to the producers of “The Artist”; the question remains in my mind: How silent was it?

Query questions for Americans, be they Democrats, Republican, or whatever.

PREAMBLE:

My very few words that follow were stimulated by a lifetime of beliefs (mine) in the United States of America (my country, and yours as well). Wearing the uniform of our American army during a war has perhaps given me, and a very select group of comrades, men and women, an unequalled opportunity to serve, and be counted as part of what I believe to be the most altruistic nation in the history of the world.

The questions (mine), which follow, have lingered within my mind set for all the years of my adult life.

• Why do young men and women serve in the United States Military for 20 years, risking there lives protecting freedom, receive only 50% of their pay at retirement, while Politicians hold they’re political positions in the safe confines of the capital, and receive full pay retirement after serving one term? It doesn’t make sense.
• Staffers of Congress family members are exempt from having to pay back student loans.
• Governors of 35 states have filed suit against the Federal Government for imposing unlawful burdens upon them.
• For too long we have been too complacent about the workings of Congress.
• Many citizens had no idea that members of Congress could retire with the same pay after only one term.
• Congress specifically exempted themselves from many of the laws they have passed (such as beingexempt from any fear of prosecution for sexual harassment) while ordinary citizens must live under those laws.
• Congress exempts themselves from the Healthcare Reform... in all of its forms.

Somehow, it doesn't seem logical. We do not have an elite that is above the law. I truly don't care if they are Democrat, Republican, Independent or whatever, the self-serving must stop.

My name is Harvey Kalmenson, I am a proud citizen of the United States of America.
I believe in equality. I don’t believe our elected officials, regardless of party affiliation, are paying a legitimate homage to my beliefs as stipulated in the constitution of the United States.
While they bask, I take task after task in an honest attempt to overcome the debacle they so recklessly have placed me in.

In short, I am thoroughly pissed off. I have never missed voting in an election, and I will be there to evoke my rights, once again in November. Please join me.

HK