Before the Mustache

It was nothing more than a plain old upper lip. Day in and day out, across this country and to another continent, I traveled with a few thousand of my army buddies. Many of them brought with them lips equal to mine, but many with far more hair.

The upper lip is a part of the body that rarely, if ever, gets enough credit. Many of the world’s biggest names found the necessity to give credit where credit was due. Take, for example: Martin and Lewis, Lewis and Clarke, Burns and Allen, Abbott and Costello, Rowan and Martin, none of the Beatles, along with a historical list exceeding one’s wildest imagination. Only Elvis came forth with an elaborate smirk to end all smirks; yet even Elvis never found the time to pay tribute to his upper lip as would befit a wiggler of his imperious stature. 

President William H. Taft

We haven’t had a President of these United States, with hair on his upper lip since William Howard Taft, our 27^th President way back to 1909. That would make it 104 years since one of our guys showed some hair on his upper lip. That’s not to say that hair on an upper lip makes the man. Political things appear to go in cycles. The last 18 Presidents have been hairless. Most likely, we’re destined to continue playing the waiting game. Who knows -- the next mustachioed President might also be our first woman to hold the office.

Note: Harvey Kalmenson has successfully worn his own mustache for the past 45 years. It became part of his mystique following his service in The United States Army.

During my review of the former and current Presidents of the United States, I found that, beyond a shadow of a doubt, I am more qualified for the office of President than most who have preceded me. Not since Theodore Roosevelt has any other man equaled my dual qualifications of mustache and military. 

President Theodore Roosevelt

The record speaks for itself. If I were to run for office my slogan would be:

“Mustache / Military

And No Internal Revenue Service”

Put a man with hair on his upper lip into the Oval Office!

In conclusion, it should be apparent that the next candidate for President of the United States who darns a mustache would be an odds-on favorite to win, the exception, of course, being that female candidate.