A State Of Affairs

As reported to me by an erstwhile member of our congress of these United States of America:

“As the one and only Harvey Kalmenson (self-elected official), I do hereby stand alone and completely informed by the same elected official, placed in office by me, I hereby so direct his (my) function to continue on, and with one singular goal as my employee:

To serve my needs as his f--k-ing boss.”

Folks, somewhere along the way this donkey, along with his colleagues, lost track of what the sacred vows within our constitution so clearly instructs them to do on behalf of the American people.

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“Yesterday’s Story”

What a shame to have to fire a whole group of folks at the same time, but that’s exactly what the man did.

Five employees discharged at the same time.

They (the employees) had all previously agreed to get to work on time.

No wiggle room allowed.

The particulars of said agreement had been meticulously explained to each of the individuals.

• Their work was important in order for the factory to run smoothly.
• Their station provided the set up work for the next station, and so on down the factory line.
• In order to keep the factory on time and running profitably, each group had to perform as a team.
• These five people (the group in contention) paid the owner-driver of a car to provide their transportation to and from work.
• They had been late to work on two previous days.
• This was their third day of tardiness, the day that “broke the camel’s back.”

“Three strikes and you’re out” were the words of the day. The next day, they (the five employees) were gone without ceremony; they had been replaced by five new workers. Cruel?

If you think asking an employee to live up to an agreed upon standard is an unfair request, my conclusion is you’re probably a lousy employee yourself. In fact, the bottom line is rather simple: reward your strong employees – get rid of the draggers. (A dragger is anyone who keeps the implementation of anything deemed necessary for success from moving forward).

        

It leads me into a state of wonderment. A series of “what if’s” enters my thoughts... Recklessly? Perhaps not. Perhaps, my thoughts are not reckless at all. 

About all those running for office:

• What if our elected officials are asked to sign a letter of intention, prior to being elected?
• It would be a rather easy task to perform.
• Each time they make a promise, it is recorded (this is already being done without cost by every aspect of our media) and then printed on a “Report Card of Promises Made.” 
• Every elected member of any legislative government body will henceforth function as an independent contractor of and for the electorate. 
• All elected officials will have their report cards reviewed by an independent body every six months. (Any of the major accounting firms would be more than happy to take the job of tallying the results; sort of like those who add up the votes for any of the big time awards shows (i.e. the Oscars or the Emmys).
• Failure to adhere to the report cards the elected officials signed and agreed to prior to being elected, would automatically terminate the limited contract between them and us.

Our bottom line is a simple one – if you can’t perform your job as promised, then get the hell out of our way.

Let’s face it. We live in our world as professionals. Why can’t our elected officials adhere to the same rules and regulations we have to live with? Let our congressmen, women, and our president try auditioning for the job, and then not being able to perform once they step onto the boards in front of a live audience. Mr. Stage Manager, post the closing notice. We can’t sell any more tickets. The press has reported our version of “Shakespeare Doth Sucketh.” 

***

        

"Alternative Casting"

Comes now to our play, the one and only world-renowned Actress A. Problem is, she brings some baggage with her. As the producer of the play, as well as the director, I break out in a cold sweat when I read and hear a variety of tales concerning Ms. A’s past. I mean like yesterday, when she showed up late for rehearsals.

As I sat there reading a newspaper, attempting to kill some time as we waited for her, I noticed on the front page a story about how our congress just passed some new legislation late in the evening, on a Friday night before they had a chance to study what they were voting for.

Meanwhile back at our theater, we began turning out the lights for the evening just as Ms. A abruptly entered the building. Without discussion, she offered how late it was and that she hadn’t had time to study the script, but she was a trooper and totally prepared to move ahead with a cold reading. Good-bye forever – I wished her well as I left without further ado.

NOTE: Actress A was never seen again. The play went on and her replacement soared.

***

• I’d like to replace congress members if they show up late or if they miss voting.
• I’d like to replace the senate if they are unable to present a budget. NO WIGGLE ROOM ALLOWED.
• I’d like congress to be required to keep and publish a weekly log of what they have done for that week.
• I’d like congress to pay for their individual medical insurance.
• As independent contractors, Congress would be free to take vacations whenever they choose to do so providing they submit requests for said vacation at least three months in advance.
• Each member of Congress would be required to present their personal financial statement for public review on an annual basis before a new congressional term begins.
• All elected officials would be required to submit full disclosure documents, secured by a private independent investigating service. Any possible elected official must submit these documents with full and total transparency prior to campaigning for public office.